Once again

Today I lost control and cried like hell. It is just because I lost something ===> my wallet. I never been like this and I think my crying has frightened my sister. I cried as though someone left the world like this.

I was SO happy yesterday caused finally I can START to clear my debts but it turned out to be no avail. Today, is the extreme opposite of yesterday. Not only that, it is the 2nd time I lost the wallet. Ya 2nd time.. so what? but it is the same present i requested from my same group of friends and I lost it twice. How can I not be angry with myself?

This sets to mild depression again. I was so so so pessimistic that I cant focus. Somehow surprisely, I still can teach.

I really feel like finding some place to hide. Not only, I am careless, forgetful, I didnt be a good role model for my sis. All I do is just crying and crying. Maybe I yearned to cry, so I take it chance to blast out all?

Well, I'm not too sure. What I can say is maybe I am too stress out. Don't ask me not to stress myself. I kinda oblivious to stress... it is accumulating but I didnt know. Sound ridiculous? I always make sure I laugh everyday whenever I see something funny such as "PARIS and MILAN". hahax..

Maybe that is not the true happiness I'm having which I thought it supposed to be or Laughing is not enough/does not reduce stress. Or maybe at this age compared to others, I have been like a father trying to sustain a family is kinda hard and will have more stress for me? Excuse? Maybe I have taken some burden that I not supposed to take. I am not a father anyway, I should try and learn to enjoy. Is not I don't wan to enjoy, without money, I cant pursue my dream. If I want to live better than my parents, the more I supposed to do what I want. The difficult thing is how I balanced between the 2.

Is just a wallet. But it make me realised that I having too much stress and I am not as strong as I what I think. But I am definitely good in hiding.