Purpose and Value

Was pondering about certain things these few days.

Firstly, what is the purpose of me living here, now, at this moment??
Secondly, what is the value of my life that I want to create??
Thirdly, if I have a choice, which one should I choose? A fruitful, meaningful relationship or rather not have any?

For the past 22 years, what have I done which contributes to my purpose of life? Erm.. sounds negative, Hahaha. But I was being probed with these questions so just pondering...

I guess I made myself knows the importance of managing my time, my finance but not my thoughts. That what I need to improve on.

I was sitting alone at starbucks pondering about the questions. Gotten some answers but may not be the right/suitable ones.

Whenever I give happiness to the people around me, be it presents, giving a helping hand, a lending shoulder, a listening ear, jokes, funny comical expressions, I feel happy. I could actually make someone smile when I thought that I am a pessissmistic person.. I can make someone thinks I'm like a sunflower when I thought that I am not. Don't you think it is contradicting? Me myself feels that too. I want to be a sunflower which can give happiness or brighten the days of the friends around me. But is this the purpose of my life that I want it to be? Not too sure.

Relationship... If I have a choice, I want to have a fruitful and meaningful relationship. I hope there is someone that I give happiness to. Someone who can lead me and I will be there when he needs me. I really want to believe that I deserve a good man. really. But I am scared......... scared of? Scared of being hurt again. I admit self-closed is just to protect myself from injuries by implementing that I don deserve a good one. Now, I feel like changing.. So shall take time to open myself up. "Sisters, Brothers, got time intro me guys... not that I despo, just wanna have more exposure......."

Even though I am a tuition teacher but I will like to emphasize academic results doesnt mean everything, is the characters that counts, the thoughts in mind that affect the destiny and not the CERTS or As that affect it, it may affect the type of environment, the amount of pay, the type of life u living but destiny will still be the same when the thoughts are the same or even worse, when there is no thoughts, no purpose..why? I guess life migth be beating around the bush since there is no directions....

I guess I did change a little of my destiny and I need more and want more of it. tired...


To be continued....